When No One is Home..

So i live in a joint family — mother in law, husband’s elder brother’s wife, elder brother’s son (my husband’s nephew), nephew’s wife and their daughter. Plus a nurse for mother in law and live in domestic help. And on weekends we have the elder brother’s daughter, her husband and her son staying with us (very often).

Before my marriage, I used to live by myself in my dad’s house in Juhu. The house was beautiful and I had done it up exactly my way. For me, it was the best place in the world. I moved out of my parents’ house in 2013–14 because i found living with parents, brother, bhabhi a bit too much! And they were mature enough to be okay with my decision to live in the Juhu home when they moved to a big house in a fancy apartment complex. Now, i am, after 6 years, back to a big bang joint family.

New to marriage, husband and i were slowly adjusting to each other and our equations with his family. I had my share of cold wars and tears when dealing with the 3 women i was living with. And that often led to tension between husband and me. He would want to stay true to me as a husband, but he loved his mother and the nephew’s wife enough to never say anything bad about me. He tried to balance between them and me, trying not to upset me or them. Our marriage was quite easy but this tension of my not getting along with his family was like the stream that quietly flew by in our relationship. We spoke about moving out and the husband agreed, but I got a feeling that he loved his brother’s family way too much. I didn’t want us to move out till he was fully convinced about moving out. I did not want the home breaker tag either. So I was clear that when husband sees that my reasons for wanting to move out are fair and when he looks forward to our own home, he will take the necessary steps.

Then comes the lockdown. And the elder brother’s family decides to move to their farmhouse (3 hours from Mumbai) till the lockdown ends. Thank God!!! So finally I have the house to husband and me and my MIL. This was such a blessing — the freedom from extended family — the joy of not having to eat meals as per other people’s menus… this joy was priceless…

Because of the lockdown, husband and I were both with each other 24*7, we started valuing each other more. We started knowing more about each other. There was a lot of conversation, lot of knowing each other’s small habits and likes and dislikes. There was us cooking together, planning menus together, sharing things, doing zoom calls together with friends, watching movies, doing yoga together, etc etc. Since the house was to us, we could just relax in the drawing room or in the balcony (which was otherwise not possible because of so many people at home).

Together we explored a new level of interdependence and companionship. (Since I have a busy job, after my marriage in 2019, I never really slowed down to get to know him better).

During these 3 months, MIL and I have had quite a few instances of friction and i would pour it out all on my husband… i felt bad that husband had to again balance between his mother and me. He had to be patient with us both and maintain his calm. The good thing was that because he was home 24*7, he saw the true face of his mother and I did not have to explain what happened.

In July, MIL had an infection and was admitted to the hospital. She was getting the medical attention that she needed and was responding well to treatment.

This gave time to husband and me to get real couple-time with each other. And in this i realized how much we had progressed as a couple. We were so happy being home, we talked a lot more now. We got happy-drunk Saturday evening. We were so content being with each other. The romance of seeing the sun set, reading our own books, browsing through our phones and sharing small things that we came across. He was little demanding / assertive in a kind of way that you feel with loved ones. For the first time I noticed that husband has so much trust in me now. He depends on me for so many things. He was so happy being with me. I could just sense it. And my guess is that for the first he realized the joy of being just with me, his wife. He did not seem to mind not having any of the family members home. He was loving lounging on the sofa. He was loving not having to worry about his mother or listening to her crib about me or compliant about the maid or the nurse. Husband has never lived by himself. So for him, the joy of having the house to oneself was unknown. The house with just him and ofcourse me, his wife, was “first time ever”. And that’s when he realized the value of privacy, having a quiet house, having a day without any cribs or complaints. He realized the value of being able to just sit on the sofa or table without having to converse with someone… Somewhere I saw his experience the same kind of happiness that I was experiencing.

Together we just sailed on a cloud of happiness.. contentment…

And what thrills me most is the realization that all that we want is to be with just each other! “Bas ek main hoon, bas ek tum ho… kuch na kaho…”